Presence Speaks

  • Healing Through our Politics

    Have you had enough winning yet? Many people, on both sides of the isle, are coming to me with their fears and frustrations over the state of our union. With bombings, threats of war, Russian crap, lies, and posturing, there is so much pain. Our tolerance for gaslighting has worn thin.

    So now what? For many, posting on Facebook and talking to people that think like us no longer feels like enough. I have a few strategies you can use to free up more energy, heal wounds this mess is triggering and find your voice in the fray:

    Get your butt GROUNDED!

    We have nothing to give when we're freaking out. We diffuse our energy and get zero done. I know we're all programed to believe that the only way to make a difference is to be in a frenzy but that is complete bs.

    A simple Grounding technique is to take a few deep breaths and then see a cord going down from your spine and connecting to the core of the earth. Feel the earth energy coming up through the cord into your body. Easy. Breathe, see the cord going down, get back into your body, breathe. This is the place from which you can really begin to make a difference.

    This is not permission to bypass your feelings. You can still sit with your feelings AND be grounded. Give it a shot!

    What does all of this mean to me?

    Ask yourself this question. What does this mess trigger in you? For some it's the feeling of decisions being made for us that we don't agree with. For others, it triggers issues we had with a parent. Take some time to think about the feeling that comes up when you hear about what is going on. Where in other parts of your life does that feeling come up?

    Now, take a small action in your personal life to shift this dynamic. If, for example, the feeling is about "not being heard" then find a way to speak up about anything.

    At work, make a decision and stick up for it. Model a co-worker that always gets heard. At home, decide the family is having what you want for dinner and don't waiver.

    Another trigger would be "not being able to sit with fear". Many of our parents didn't know how to help us feel fear so they used distraction which just let us ignore it. So now, you hear about a military action and how do you cope? When we don't know how to be with our fear it builds up in our system and leaves us paralyzed.

    Try asking for just a little piece of the fear to come up for you to feel. Just let it be a little sensation in your body that you accept in this moment. Feel it and let it move through you. If you need to, ask for help with this. Find the beautiful thing that the feeling is holding for you, it's always there.

    Once you start to change your world, we all feel the ripples.

    Once you begin to heal your triggers, you will know how to take larger action. Focusing on healing yourself doesn't prevent you from making a difference in the world. It helps you know how affect change from a grounded place and make the biggest possible impact.


  • Boundaries

    Who doesn’t love to talk about boundaries? Ok, maybe everyone, but they’re important. They are how you nurture yourself and how you show others the way you expect to be treated.
    We don’t spend much time considering boundaries. They aren’t often encouraged by the people in our lives and it is hard to enforce them, whether they are external or internal. Not honoring our boundaries adds stress to our lives, which can cause us to continue with patterns that aren’t serving our whole selves.

    So what exactly is a boundary? It’s a way to define the terms of your engagement in a relationship. It is how you make sure your needs are met. Whether the process is unconscious or conscious, you are constantly sending messages to yourself and others about who you are and where you stand. Here’s the crazy thing about this -- there are no “correct” boundaries. Yours are just what they are. They may be completely different than anyone else’s, but they are still valid and honorable. Oh, and just when you think you have them figured out, they may change.

    Having a healthy relationship with your boundaries can include a way to check in with yourself to see how you’re experiencing them today. They are meant to be flexible; allowing you to set firm boundaries when you need protection and loosening them when you want to be close to someone. This process works well when you feel that you are valuable enough to recognize your boundaries.

    It is easier to think of external boundaries – the ones we set for our relationships with others – than boundaries we set for ourselves. We have boundaries on how we care for ourselves: what we eat, exercise, sleep, etc. I was thinking about this a few weeks ago when I was resisting going to a kickboxing class I’d signed up for. I complained to my husband about not wanting to go. He responded, “What does wanting or not wanting to go have to do with anything?” He knew I really did want to go, it’s a part of my goals for myself and I always feel amazing afterwards. I realized I want to set the boundary with myself that “not wanting” to exercise isn’t a reason to avoid it. Now, I notice the resistance and I do it anyways. You may have a different relationship to exercise and notice you need to honor your body and not work out if you’re over doing it. Maybe your boundary with yourself is an agreement to check in before you go to work out. If you feel stain, stress or fatigue, then you walk, do yoga or do nothing, instead of forcing yourself into an intense session.

    Your feelings can be a guide to how you’re doing. If you are feeling uncomfortable, frustrated or sad, check in and see if there’s a boundary you have that is not being honored. Ask yourself what is blocking you from honoring it. Do you want to change something about how you relate to yourself? Do you want to change something about how you relate to other people’s expectations? When you believe in yourself enough to honor your boundaries, your feelings will let you know you’ve arrived.

    So what do you do when you’re in a situation in which your boundaries are not respected? Sometimes you can get out of the situation and sometimes you can’t. If you can’t leave, maybe you can change the way you think about the situation. Maybe a conversation with a mentor, friend or coach can help you see a way that wasn’t clear to you before.
  • Greetings

    Feb. 1st, 2015


    Welcome to the Presence Healing Arts Blog.

    My main job at Presence Healing Arts is that of a Transformational Coach.  I help people identify patterns in their lives and then I help them transform.  Witnessing people moving towards a more loving, healing relationship with themselves is a great joy to me.

    I hope to make this blog a resource you use to work with your internal landscape.  You will get a window into the habits and patterns that many people deal with and learn how to make lasting change.

    Please feel free to ask questions and share your experience.